This year is all about trying to be more "guilt free". I have spent far too much time beating myself up over what I should have, could have would have done, and the mountain of things I'd like to have made but never get around to. So most of all I aim to let my creativity become fun again, rather than just another thing I need to get to along with the dishes, the washing, the floors... You get the picture.
I spend a lot of my time with my kids. They will always be top priority for me and come above anything quilty, stitchy, knitty, cooky. Everything I make is generally for them. I can't really sew or knit when they are awake, especially now that Madelyn is starting to turn into a little tornado around the house just like her big brother, and with working three full days a week, meals to cook and a house to keep reasonable the reality is there is not a lot of time left in the day. Once I get Austin into bed anywhere between 7:30 and 8, then Maddy into bed somewhere between 8:30 and 9:30 (depending how long she takes to feed and how long her protest screams last while I pat, shush and sing to her and convince her that laying her head down would be a fantastic idea!) and then tidy up the dishes, wipe down the table and bench, pack up the toys for the next day and the obligatory load of washing or two I am generally buggered. Sometimes I will then hit the sewing machine and go for it while the time is ripe, or put teh TV on and curl up on the couch with some knitting needles. Those nights I feel good - I get to relax AND be productive. But other nights there is simply nothing left of me and I might browse the net for a bit and then hit the hay, especially with an early start at work the next day. Those days I feel guilty. Like I have achieved nothing and haven't had a chance to wind down properly. So this has got to stop. There is nothing to feel guilty for if the kids are happy, fed and fast asleep by bed time, and the house is in a reasonable order so we all stay healthy. The kids will only be little for a little while and there will be plenty more time as they become more independent, less likely to tangle my yarn and less insistant on sitting on my lap while I sew.
SO time for those resolutions:
1. Make a SMALL list of things I'd LIKE to make for each month. I need to start keeping a written list so it doesn't end up longer than my arm when it sits unseen in my memory bank. Keeping it visible should hopefully also keep it realistic.
2. Stop feeling guilty for non-productive relaxation (the new Wii and Wii Fit should help that as can set aside at least one night a week to just play with that and know that I don't have to be making something in order to have me time).
3. Try to complete 6 WIP or long term planned (and therefore fabric/yarn already in stash waiting) projects this year.
4. Make something for me.
So there you have it. I'm being a bit more selfish this year but I think I need to. I need to smile a bit more and let some weight off my shoulders, not expect too much of myself and enjoy life a little more. I need to start feeling proud of the achievenments I do make, and guilty for the pile of things I expected to get to but didn't.
Righto, off to do some yoga on the Wii before I stitch down a little bit of quilt binding.